Pickup in Aisle Twelve
by Heather Dugan
After a would-be suitor tails her to a grocery store checkout, Angie Wharton confronts the grim realities of her post-divorce dating options. Niggling guilt, a fickle resolve and easy access to her sister’s dinner table have kept her on the sidelines, but her brother-in-law’s patience –and supplies of cabernet are running low.
Pressed into posting an online dating profile, Angie decides to take the offense before love passes her by. But navigating this virtual world of blurred photos and lonely hearts will require her to create both a roadmap and a new understanding of herself.
Lipstick? Check. Eye contact? More or less. Awkward moments? Uh huh.
MEET ANGIE WHARTON
Katie began flipping through profiles. “This one’s not bad. Look, he likes hiking and running. He’s got a couple of kids.”
“He lives in Michigan.”
“That’s not far,” Katie pushed. “And besides, you were born in Ann Arbor!”
Gordon was thinking. If I moved to Michigan, more salmon for him. A long distance romance, however, was not guaranteed to deliver the permanent sort of relationship he was looking for at this stage of his life.
“Change the city,” he ordered. “You’re in Grand Rapids.”
Katie localized the zip code and began sorting through more faces, more clever headlines. Moving so quickly now that I couldn’t even see whom we were rejecting.
“Wait, what’s wrong with him?”
Rather deliberately, Katie hit the backspace key. I immediately regretted revealing even the slightest interest. She was Tom Sawyer with a paintbrush, ready to slather the website profile with a thick coat of bullshit.
“Oh yes! Now he has potential, don’t you think? The second picture is much better than the main one. He looked like a gnome in that one, but look at this one! Pretty hot. Muscles…”
“Full head of hair,” Gordon noted.
I caved. “OK. I’ll think about it.”
Gordon stared me down.
“And you can give the doctor my phone number.”Excerpt from Pickup in Aisle Twelve
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Ms Dugan has the innate ability to portray real life and make us remember exactly what it was like to be mid-life and single. The fact that she conveys all this with side-splitting laughter is just a “cake frosting” bonus. Now I have to ask myself if I was seen as a produce aisle stalker. If you’ve ever online dated this is a must read to self-assess and have a few kicks at your own expense. There’s now a new “Angie’s List.” Ms Dugan… More please…"Bobbio" — From Amazon