Discussion Points and Topics

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1) Loneliness makes fools of us all: Our worst decisions are made when we are desperate to choose. The same emotional neediness that can drive an awkward teen toward destructive behavior can cause otherwise sane adults to fill sudden space in damaging ways.

  • How does isolation propel us into repetitive relational mistakes?
  • Why does an empty-handed approach hold value?
  • What’s the difference between making a realistic choice and resettling into a relational rut?
  • Through what filters should we process initial dating prospects?

4) Using a “Right Fit” strategy minimizes rejection and optimizes outcomes: A fill-the-gap focus will lead many to use a big net approach rather than a sieve in screening dating candidates, leading to a downward spiral of continued romantic failure and greater desperation. A “right fit” strategy is the only surefire route to long-term romantic success.

  • How can we guard our egos from rejection?
  • What warning signs should alert us to “Dead-End Dating” characters such as “Baggage Handlers,” “Cling Wrap Men” and “Vacationers”?
  • How much energy should a single invest in a relationship before moving on?

7) Relationship building requires the same skills essential for career success: A job interview and a first date entail similar social abilities. “Connectivity” is the gift that fuels opportunity and personal happiness.

  • What are some practical ways to create consistent connection in life?
  • What are the big turn-offs and surefire attractants in social and business settings?
  • What are the big “tells” to interviewers and romantic interests?

2) Life is bigger than a romance: Are you enjoying the experiences of your life—or simply marketing them to land in another one? If your first focus is on finding a relationship, it’s less likely your next romance will last for the long-term. Sustainable relationships require authentically experienced lives, and authentically experienced lives do not evaporate when a significant other is added.

  • How can you build a good life as a single?
  • What strategies make holidays, vacations and couple’s events bearable and even enjoyable?
  • Why is it important to start your search from a place of wholeness?

5) The phenomenon of mid-life divorce is isolating adults over age 50: With a doubled divorce rate over the past twenty years, many find themselves transplanted, Wizard of Oz-style, into vastly changed circumstances at a time they’re confronting multiple and monumental emotional hits. With aging or deceased parents, children setting off into their own separate lives and career upheavals often coinciding, lives must be rebuilt on multiple levels. Romantic decisions made during these transitional times can land like darts thrown at a spinning wheel.

  • What is the real value of “significant connection?”
  • What steps can we take to attain solid ground for the rebuilding process?
  • How can a divorced single maintain forward momentum in the midst of enormous and difficult change?
  • What dating decisions should we make ahead of involvement, and what are the “bendable rules”?

8) Social obsolescence is a pivotal issue for Internet-illiterate, suddenly childless adults: A digitally transformed world leaves many without a clear path into the next stage of life. Online dating can easily overwhelm the newly single, and other connection points can be difficult for the typical single parent to ascertain and pursue.

  • Where can a single adult, by his or herself, find new friends in such busy times?
  • What are the best routes to meeting potential romantic interests?
  • What steps can transform lonely Saturdays to fuller living?

3) Getting From Lonely to LovedOur worst decisions are made when we’re desperate to choose—and the threat of an empty evening steers many singles toward the least objectionable option on their missed call list. A fill-the-gap focus will lead many to use a big net approach rather than a sieve in screening dating candidates, leading to a downward spiral of continued romantic failure and greater desperation. Whether divorced, widowed or never married, most singles long for a singular romantic love. Learn how building a bigger, better life opens opportunities for long-term love.

  • How does isolation spin us into repetitive relationship ruts?
  • How can I prepare my life for better dating?
  • What Dating Decisions will help me avoid time wasting relationships?
  • How can a “Right Fit” strategy minimize rejection and optimize long-term joy and romantic success?

 6) Divorce, Delete, Dig Deeper: Recovering from an unhealthy relationship is but the first step in creating a full and healthy life. Many divorced singles are surprised when the same issues crop up in subsequent relationships, but there are real and preventable reasons for the recurrences. A “reset” time can allow a single adult to delete false assumptions and dig within to establish a stronger sense of self and do repairs which will enable choosing potential romantic interests from a place of strength rather than as a random reach towards the “best available.”

  • Is a divorce “the chicken” or “the egg?” Why do relationships always seem to tank with challenging life events?
  • Is being “real” the kiss of death for a relationship?
  • How can a single relationship-seeking adult find another like-minded single willing to work for the long-term success of a long-term love?

Wisdom & Wine Events

Salon-Style Talk with Group Discussion Event Videos

“Wisdom & Wine” Talk & Group Discussion topics:

  • “Getting From Lonely to Loved”
  • “How to Avoid Dead-End Dating”
  • "Finding Your Cabernet Coaches"
  • "Put the 'Happy' Back in Your Holiday: Strategies for Singles"
  • "Upsize Your World: Strategies for Building a Bigger, Better Life "
  • “From Big Idea to Book”

And more…

Pair the author of Date Like A Grownup: Anecdotes, Admissions of Guilt & Advice Between Friends with your favorite group or singles happy hour for dynamic speaking, relevant data, engaging interactive discussion and the “How To” on essential elements for the relaunch into dating and relationships!

About Date Like a Grownup

"You are helping a lot of us Heather. Keep writing and talking." Mack

"I love your technique of floating over the drama!" Kris

“Heather has many concepts and experiences that I can say ‘Hey, that’s me!’ I am excited to have her book. Heather gave an excellent talk…” John

“This was awesome. Really enjoyed listening to Heather…” Karen

So much of what you addressed is true of my widow friends and I as we begin to talk about and perhaps venture "out there." Wish I had read your book before my foray into Match.com....

“What a great night! Heather was interesting to hear from and we all had a great time at dinner with some fascinating and revealing conversations.” Marcia

“Great time and interesting conversations!” Kate

“This was a first for our group; but I doubt our last…it’s obvious from the strong turnout that many of us realize there are numerous speed-bumps and false-starts encountered at this stage of life, but at least we have our many friends from this group, and now Heather’s excellent advice…” Steve

"As your Coach, Dugan illustrates numerous 'teachable moments' through a collection of clever 'From the Field' anecdotes...that just may have you laughing out loud, either because you've 'done that' or can't imagine that someone else really 'did that!' Through these personal stories, Dugan connects and creates a credible bond. She transforms the complexities of new tools such as Match.com, Google Search and social media into opportunities, teaching us to identify our mistakes, perhaps laugh about them, and then move on." Mike

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